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My Pump Makes Me Look Like a Cross-Dresser

September 7, 2007

My Pump Makes Me Look Like a Cross-Dresser

Submitted by Tesney D.

With the unbearable hot summertime weather in the South comes sundresses which have presented me, the novice pump-wearer, with quite a dilemma.  Where do I put the darn thing? So far I’ve clipped it to the waistband of skirts &  pants.

Occasionally I clip it to my bra if I have a loose-fitting shirt;  otherwise it looks like a weird square boob in the middle of my two normal ones. Anyway, I ordered this nifty leg strap to wear on Sunday as I was a hostess at a shower which means one thing in the deep south: good excuse for a new dress. The dress was knee-length & I was pretty self conscious that the strap would somehow peek out so I hoisted it as far up my thigh as it would go. Looking in the mirror I realized that if I put the pump on the outside of my thigh, it accentuated the worst area of my bod. If I put it in front of my thigh, it stuck out like I had a tumor, which was the very look I was trying to avoid. As I stood in front of the mirror trying out various positions, I decided to put it on the inside of my thigh where there was no visible pudge (or so I thought). Granted it was a little strange to have something where there normally is nothing, but hey, sometimes you have to sacrifice for fashion.

My husband was out of town on this particular Sunday which always makes getting ready for church a little crazy. He usually gets Clayton fed, ready, & loaded into the car. Running around like a mad woman was no problem for the leg strap, though. It stayed securely in place and I was thinking, “wow, this is great. I may have to start using it with skirts too. I’m loving this.” Later on, as I’m teaching the teenage girls’ class at church, I noticed some of the girls were staring at my lower extremities.

However, I’m thinking that they probably just like my super-duper new dress or the fabulous strappy heels that I had purchased to match. Or, there was the strong possibility that most of them were zoned out as this was a room full of teenage girls…either way I didn’t think anything else of it. I went on to worship service & sat next to a couple of friends and a guy that I didn’t know. As service started we were asked to introduce ourselves to a neighbor.

I introduced myself to the guy & he informed me that he was visiting the University of Alabama to look at the law school. After the introductions I couldn’t help but feel this guy staring at me. Many times when I would glance over at him I noticed he was looking at my lap and I started to get annoyed. Why was this guy ogling me?! I started to think that maybe he was hot for me. I did have on my new dress plus I had forgotten all of my jewelery (including wedding ring) that morning since I was trying to get out the door on time by myself with child in tow. I was going through what I would say to him after church to let him know that I was happily married when suddenly I heard a “buuzzzzzz-buuzzzzz” & felt a vibration against my inner thigh. The guy, who had been staring again at that exact moment, looked away in horror. You see, my pump has this feature that makes it vibrate when the insulin reservoir is low. As I looked down, I realized why the girls in Sunday school & this guy were all looking at my lower half strangely. When I sat down, my pump stuck up like…well, I’m sure you can imagine what it looked like. So when it started vibrating, I can only imagine what this guy was thinking. Thankfully Clayton was really fussy in the nursery so they paged me & I had to leave worship early. I don’t know  what I would’ve said to the guy. So I guess I’ll be sure to position  the  strap a little lower from now on.

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13 comments

  1. That is too funny. I have a strap, similar to the leg strap, but hate wearing it because it hurts after a while and I keep it tight because it tries to slip. Needless to say, it’s rare I wear dresses anymore.


  2. Wow, that really had me in stitches for like 5 minutes. Thank-you so much for posting!


  3. […] bunch more that could have made a Top 10 list (namely: Soundtrack to a Low, Is This the Remix?, My Pump Makes Me Look Like a Cross-Dresser, Ah! Needle Landslide, and What’s Better Than a […]


  4. OMG I laughed so hard I cried! I’m with you ladies I know EXACTLY the problem you’re talking about. I’ve purchased 3 different kinds of leg straps now and have the same problem – either too slippery or too tight. The worst is when they slip off in public! I was on a crowded escalator the other day when mine decided to slip down around my ankle – so I either have to lift up my skirt in public to get it back over the fat part of my thigh, or disconnect and thread it down.

    I’m not ready to give up though, I think I’m going to try making my own next. Victoria’s Secret thigh highs have this awesome sticky plastic on the thigh band to keep them up. I might just cut off the stocking part for the thigh band and sew on a little pouch.


  5. Still laughing and can appreciate your situation. Got to love Christina’s idea about the Victoria Secret thigh highs. One other friend of mine uses a velcro strap from his pedometer to keep his pump in place while running….great blog…Di


  6. i am living with type one diabetes my mom doctor and my friends say it really bad i dont cheak my blood every 4 hour i cheack mine every 2 hours


  7. […] Original post by Siah […]


  8. I know exactly what you’re talking about I had the same sort of thing except I’ve gotten to the point where I take it off whenever I wear a dress because it’ll either stick out or slip down my leg so I just carry it in my purse until I’ve eaten something or need it and I might run to the bathroom and plug it in quick.
    that’s a really funny story though, I can fully imagine myself doing that!


  9. I too wear a pump — and dresses are really hard to sort out. I fyou can, buy wrap dresses in the future — you can feed the tubing and the pump out and wear them on a belt. Sue


  10. LOL. That story deserves a top 10 rating. FYI – I saw a company at a recent JDRF walk that makes boxer briefs with a pocket that is positioned on the inner thigh. One of the girls at the booth was wearing a pair under her shorts and you could hardly see the pump. They were made for men, but who cares if it works? Finally, someone is thinking about making pumping easier. The website is http://www.mykpp.com.


  11. haha… thats true about the pump in the bra thing… thats extremely awkward when that happens. i hate the lag straps! they bug me and always fall so i never use mine… i hate when it vibrates too! but i have mine set to beep right now.


  12. I had the same problem with dresses. I could only wear strapless dresses so I could tuck my pump into my bra, but that got uncomfortable quickly. I now have an Omni Pod and love it! It has really opened up my wardrobe. It was strange at first, but I really love being “wireless”.


  13. Very funny story….but like Marie, I too wear the OmniPod. I even wear it with my tankini bathing suit.
    When a dress is clingy, a good ol’ pair of Spanx and you’re good to go!!



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