My Pump Makes Me Look Like a Cross-DresserSeptember 7, 2007
My Pump Makes Me Look Like a Cross-Dresser
Submitted by Tesney D.
With the unbearable hot summertime weather in the South comes sundresses which have presented me, the novice pump-wearer, with quite a dilemma. Where do I put the darn thing? So far I’ve clipped it to the waistband of skirts & pants.
Occasionally I clip it to my bra if I have a loose-fitting shirt; otherwise it looks like a weird square boob in the middle of my two normal ones. Anyway, I ordered this nifty leg strap to wear on Sunday as I was a hostess at a shower which means one thing in the deep south: good excuse for a new dress. The dress was knee-length & I was pretty self conscious that the strap would somehow peek out so I hoisted it as far up my thigh as it would go. Looking in the mirror I realized that if I put the pump on the outside of my thigh, it accentuated the worst area of my bod. If I put it in front of my thigh, it stuck out like I had a tumor, which was the very look I was trying to avoid. As I stood in front of the mirror trying out various positions, I decided to put it on the inside of my thigh where there was no visible pudge (or so I thought). Granted it was a little strange to have something where there normally is nothing, but hey, sometimes you have to sacrifice for fashion.
My husband was out of town on this particular Sunday which always makes getting ready for church a little crazy. He usually gets Clayton fed, ready, & loaded into the car. Running around like a mad woman was no problem for the leg strap, though. It stayed securely in place and I was thinking, “wow, this is great. I may have to start using it with skirts too. I’m loving this.” Later on, as I’m teaching the teenage girls’ class at church, I noticed some of the girls were staring at my lower extremities.
However, I’m thinking that they probably just like my super-duper new dress or the fabulous strappy heels that I had purchased to match. Or, there was the strong possibility that most of them were zoned out as this was a room full of teenage girls…either way I didn’t think anything else of it. I went on to worship service & sat next to a couple of friends and a guy that I didn’t know. As service started we were asked to introduce ourselves to a neighbor.
I introduced myself to the guy & he informed me that he was visiting the University of Alabama to look at the law school. After the introductions I couldn’t help but feel this guy staring at me. Many times when I would glance over at him I noticed he was looking at my lap and I started to get annoyed. Why was this guy ogling me?! I started to think that maybe he was hot for me. I did have on my new dress plus I had forgotten all of my jewelery (including wedding ring) that morning since I was trying to get out the door on time by myself with child in tow. I was going through what I would say to him after church to let him know that I was happily married when suddenly I heard a “buuzzzzzz-buuzzzzz” & felt a vibration against my inner thigh. The guy, who had been staring again at that exact moment, looked away in horror. You see, my pump has this feature that makes it vibrate when the insulin reservoir is low. As I looked down, I realized why the girls in Sunday school & this guy were all looking at my lower half strangely. When I sat down, my pump stuck up like…well, I’m sure you can imagine what it looked like. So when it started vibrating, I can only imagine what this guy was thinking. Thankfully Clayton was really fussy in the nursery so they paged me & I had to leave worship early. I don’t know what I would’ve said to the guy. So I guess I’ll be sure to position the strap a little lower from now on.